Dolly Parton

There’s never a time in life when riding the Dolly train is a bad idea. I recommend channeling her wisdom and wit through all difficult times. Listen to her music, watch documentaries on her, start talking with a southern twang, whatever it takes. Absolutely nothing gets that old gal down - she grew up in a rusted tin shack with 300 brothers and sisters, no shoes, a janky patchwork coat and she remembers it FONDLY. If anyone can put a positive spin on a pandemic it’s Dolly. Do you think the Queen of country is constantly refreshing her instagram page and putting off doing yoga with Adriene for the 15th day in a row? Of course she’s bloody not. She’s playing an Appalachian Mountain tune on her bejeweled acrylic nails, donating a million dollars to charity and looking hotter than Hades whilst doing it all.

Baths

They’re warm and you get to lie down, what’s not to love? If like me your job has been put on hold then treat your daily bath like employment. The country is counting on you to prune. Stay in for as long as osmosis allows, if your vital organs aren’t 90% radox by the time you get out you’re doing it all wrong. Missing the camaraderie of work ? You can always substitute bathroom ephemera for colleagues. Create a clique of Molton Brown mean girls and then play them off against each other ( Don’t tell anyone but I’ve heard Pink Peppercorn and Heavenly Gingerlily smoke crack together in their lunch break ) . Confuse the loofah by brazenly slagging him off behind his back and then flirting with him when you need his help adjusting the bubble to water ratio.

Power dressing

Parties, soirees and city breaks are a distant memory but that doesn't mean you should be schlepping about looking like a hot mess, after all it's our ability to accessorise that separates us from the animals. If you are reading this and are within 6ft of a fleece dressing gown I want you to douse it in petrol and burn it now, you should be social distancing from bad night wear as much as you are from people out with your household. Dress for the isolation you want not the isolation you have. This doesn’t mean you can’t be comfortable, sweatpants are permissible as long as you have shoulder pads in and a strong bouffant to complete the look. When doing your hair remember one thing ‘ The higher the hair the closer you are to heaven ‘

Lean In

Now is an excellent time to practise the sweet art of surrender. Unless you are an epidemiologist or something else very clever then there isn’t much you can do to alter the course of the future. As long as you are keeping in touch with your granny, washing your filthy little hands and managing to help someone other than your bad self then that is probably enough. Unclench your jaw, be thankful for all you have ( it’s probably a lot) and stay positive. There’s enough Debbie Downers already and as Dolly says “If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain”

Lucy's Lockdown Tips